Celebrating Spring

When you live in North Texas, spring lasts two weeks. So, we celebrate it every chance we get!

This weekend, Oren and I enjoyed a beautiful Sunday lunch with my parents. Daddy grilled delicious burgers out on the grill as we listened to the beautiful tones of our windchime rustling in the warm breeze.

Mama provided all the fixin's for the burgers, including delicious lettuce that she had grown by hand in the sideyard.

I am constantly thankful to be part of a family that grows vegetables! I sincerely hope to continue the gorgeous tradition for my own children-- and myself! As Granny says, "I like to cook because I like to eat!" The same applies to homegrown veggies. There's just nothing better.

My parents have truly created an oasis in our backyard.

What used to look like a wild jungle of dark green leafy bushy mess now bursts with color and light and space. My mom's flowers sparkle from every corner of the yard.

Last summer when my parents spent two weeks in Ireland, I had the lovely task of caring for these beauties. By "lovely," I mean "tortuous." Imagine me, hose in hand, standing outside for three hours in the August heat trying desperately to keep daisies alive.

I succeeded... but just barely!

I now have quite an appreciation for the blooms that cover our outdoor living space.

Stepping out into that gorgeous space, I felt a sense of being totally and completely at home.

I felt relaxed. I breathed easily. My heart felt full to the brim with contentment.

This afternoon reminded me of so many more that I've experienced over my entire life so far. So many meals shared out on the patio, so many beautiful flowers, so many lovely friends, so much happy conversation.

Is there anything as cheerful as a patio lunch with family?

Side note: I think LB is far more photogenic than Oren chose to be on this occasion. :)

“Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.” ― Ruth Reichl

My Happy Place

Welcome to my happy place!

Forgive me, it looks a little alive right now.

I won't stoop to the level of custom landscapers. I won't tame this untouched magnificence.

Forgive me if I won't TELL you where it is... but let me show you! You'll understand why I fell in love.

I stumbled upon this beautiful clearing one day when I was out for a run. I was searching for a little space to wind down and do some journaling... and the rest is history.

Now, I frequent this little place.

I love watching my happy place change with the seasons!

Sometimes, the clearing isn't very welcoming-- even for me. Little biting insects, towering grasses, and prickly briars keep me away. It's almost there right now. But here, in this moment, we are in liminal space.

In this moment, the clearing is just scruffy enough to look alive again after the harsh winter we completed. The space is vibrant with bright green budding leaves. The ground cover grows taller by the day, as we receive bountiful spring rains. The trees still look a little bare, with their leaves just budding out.

If I could go here daily, I would.

Heck, if I could LIVE here, I would.

This clearing has blessed me with so many beautiful moments.

I once spent a whole morning fascinated with minuscule dew drops that glistened on every single blade of grass.

In this place, I saw my first ever hummingbird's nest-- and its conscientious caretaker.

Here I grow in my adoration of nature. I grow closer to understanding my inner self. I learn how to be.

“Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.” 

― Robert Frost

Sunrise

"He is not here; he has risen! "

Easter morning comes joyously out of a beautiful sunset and a yearning darkness.

This has been quite the eventful Lenten season for me!

I began with a quest to rediscover the holiness of life through small daily rituals. You can read about my goals here! 

I found much success in creating a holy morning quiet time, but it took a while for me to learn how to actually get up in the morning. You may laugh all you want, but honestly the thing that finally did the trick was practicing! Not at bedtime, I got all ready in bed, set an alarm for five minutes.. and I practiced what I would do each time my alarm went off! It really worked. 6am rolled around and I sat straight up in bed and got on with my life. Practice makes perfect.

As far as little daily rituals go, I created a beautifully simple altar on top of my bookshelf onto which I placed a royally purple scarf and symbols of purity. I enjoyed creating this little space! I also made a distinct effort to wash my hands before going to read scripture-- while I washed, I said a little prayer of cleansing. I also kept a ribbon neatly tied around my Bible, so that every time I went to open it, I "unwrapped" the book. I thought to myself a little word of thanks for such a beautiful divine gift. 

This week leading up to Easter, I have been engaging in a Week of Prayer on my own. I chose to pray 2-3 times a day for about 10 minutes at a time, and I kept a prayer journal of what I prayed for and what I received as an answer.

It's amazing how many prayers get answered when you actually pray them!!!

This week alone, my eyes have been opened to so many blessings. I have consciously altered behaviors that before I just admonished myself for. I witnessed more goodness in others than I usually see. And, so many little details of my life that were up in the air fell right into place this week. 

This is not to say that if I had prayed for these things months ago, they would have happened simply because I asked. I'm not sure how God works all the time, but that just doesn't seem logical to me. 

However, I DO know that when I ask for something, I am far more aware and grateful when I receive it. I am far less likely to attribute anything to mere coincidence. 

When I live a week in prayer, I automatically become more present. I live more joyfully into each moment. I relish the smaller events in life. 

During this season, I have experienced my share of darkness. I have also experienced beautiful moments of pure, beautiful, and holy light. 

On Easter, we remember that light ultimately DOES counter the darkness, once and for all. I love celebrating this victory. 

I also love the chance to sing a few more "Alleluias."

I hope you have a very blessed Easter!

"I used to believe that prayer changes things, but now I know that prayer changes us and we change things.” --Mother Teresa

Copycat

A master teacher once told me, "Every good idea I ever had, I stole." As I begin my own foray into the profession, I have realized how true that statement really is!

I also realize how truly that statement applies to my life journey.

In recent years, I have been gleaning bits of wisdom from those close to me. I have absorbed their strongest traits and taken my highest inspiration from seeing my friends and family live their own unique, individual, beautiful lives.

I constantly find myself saying: "I LOVE that about them! I want to be like that. I should DO that."

"Triumph Tulip: Grand Perfection"

Some examples from recent days:

Like Mary, I want to carry a pack of 100+ markers so that I am always prepared and able to create art and add color to my daily world.

Like Bethany, I want to be beautifully and uniquely put together for all the important events in my life.

Like Oren, I want to have a contagious enthusiasm for life. And, I'd love to be awesome at video games.

Like my Granny, I want to have a stocked freezer-- just in case.

Like Sawyer, I want to have big dreams.

Like Holly, I want to make the big decisions that lead me directly on the path to those big dreams.

Like Emily, I want to appreciate and live in the simple pleasures of life.

Like Isaiah, I want to spend hours listening to and pouring over musical scores, so that I can learn as much as my head can possibly hold while at this school of music.

Like Daniel, I want to be dedicated to my instruments and practice for hours.

Like Allee, I want to take care of my body in every possible way-- particularly by eating perfectly balanced meals.

The list (literally) goes on and on. 

Some things I HAVE indeed taken into my own life. I do have a stocked freezer. I curl my hair way more often because my best friend does so. I established a prayer corner in my room because a friend once did. I am on a constant struggle-bus path to improving my video game skills because of the influence of my second family.

In my eyes, these "wants" are positive! I want to emulate these things because I admire them so much in others.

The whole time, though, I am just painting a picture of the Mandi that I want to see when I look in the mirror.

I am creating the mental portrait of the "perfect" Mandi, who does EVERYTHING and succeeds everywhere in every single possible avenue of life.

Sometimes I forget how special the real Mandi really is!

I forget to realize that to other people around me, I am sometimes the special one. I am sometimes the one with the characteristics that somebody else admires and wants to copy. The real Mandi sometimes has characteristics that nobody else does-- just like all of my friends do in my eyes!

It took me a minute, but I figured out some things that make the real Mandi very special. Thinking about them gave me a warm glow, somewhere deep inside.

As much as I love to dream that I can be like a conglomeration of the best aspects of the best people in my life... I create this drive inside me to be constantly improving. Constantly leveling-up, so that I can become what I admire as quickly as possible.

Really, what I am doing is neglecting the beauty that I have right now.

It's so nice to take a moment and realize all the ways that I am unique, and that I am NOT like someone else.

Loving yourself is a long and complicated journey-- but moments like this are a fantastic step in the right direction!

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."    -Margaret Mead

Springtime

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;

And give us not to think so far away

As the uncertain harvest; keep us here

All simply in the springing of the year.

...

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,

Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;

And make us happy in the happy bees,

The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

...

 And make us happy in the darting bird

That suddenly above the bees is heard,

The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,

And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

...

For this is love and nothing else is love,

The which it is reserved for God above

To sanctify to what far ends He will,

But which it only needs that we fulfil.

text from "A Prayer in Spring" by Robert Frost (1915)

One Word

If I could only sing one word for the rest of my life, what would it be?

"Alleluia."

Just try it. Say it out loud. Sing it high, sing it low! 

Savor the vowels, the flow of the syllables, the upward-feeling release.

I spent at least twenty solid minutes today singing that word (on notes penned by the great J. S. Bach), and had plenty of time to think about its merit while our conductor was busy seeing to the tenors. 

"Alleluia."

Whisper it. It even sounds wonderful as a secret! 

I also happen to adore the meaning of the word. It's an exclamation, a joyous rousing cry that means "God be praised!" 

I love that we say this word on the daily. We hear this word on the ever-present TV, in movies, and on the radio. We use it flippantly and jokingly... but we still use it!

Sitting in rehearsal today, I decided that if I were a composer, I would compose a whole set of songs using just this word.

I am apparently not the only one who has had this idea! Here are a couple of wonderfully beautiful pieces that use this word as their only text:

Eric Whitacre's Alleluia-- (a vocal arrangement of my favorite of his works, "October")

REALLY check this one out:  A fabulous recording of one of my personal favorite choral works!
Baylor Bella Voce - Alleluia (from Songs of Faith) - Paul Basler

Feel free to sing along. I'm sure you'll be able to by the end!

"Alleluia!"

Such a lovely word. 

What is your favorite word to say? 

Reflection on a Recital

Last weekend I crossed a huge item off of my college bucket list: giving a collegiate-level recital!

My degree doesn't require that I give a recital, and most of my colleagues choose not to. I completely understand why-- it's a LOT of work! Yet, I am so unbelievably happy by the outcome of this huge undertaking.

I am proud of myself for taking a challenge in life set by me alone. I am proud that the most difficult and fulfilling work I will have done this year didn't stem from a degree plan or an advisor's deadline. I am so thankful that I will be able to look back on this wonderful experience and know that I did this for my own fulfillment, and not because I sought to achieve a perfect grade. In fact, no one was grading me at all.

For someone obsessively driven by the pull of academic success, it was completely liberating.

I provided a program of music that was intentionally full of variety, and every piece is a personal favorite of mine. In short, after the countless hours spent in the practice room and the lesson studio, I poured my heart and soul into this music.

After a few days of basking in the emotional high of an amazing performance, I paused to reflect on this milestone experience.

A few snippets of thought:

How it felt to look out at the audience before me and realize that they were not judging strangers-- they were faces of my dearest friends and family. My most loving and enthusiastic supporters.

Secretly performing a work in honor of a dear friend and teacher who recently passed away-- sending the sound straight up to her heavenly dwelling.

The electrified silence as the music of the great composers provided precious bits of musical rest, and the audience held their breath.

Surprise at the effort it takes to shift emotions drastically back and forth over the course of a single hour.

Hearing from listeners that my music touched their hearts, brought them to tears, or gave them inspiration-- feeling a strong connection to my purpose in life.

The sheer joy of finally having a voice to sing with after weeks of illness.

How surprising the little never-before-heard mistakes and mishaps that make a live performance truly "alive."

The music of my own two hands bringing tears to my eyes.

It is my sincerest hope that those in attendance (and you, should you choose to watch the video below) felt the music as deeply as I attempted to convey it.

PROGRAM:

Prelude and Fugue XVI in G Minor, BWV 861----------------J. S. Bach

Wie Melodien zieht es mir---------------------------------------Johannes Brahms

Lorelei------------------------------------------------------------Clara Schumann 

Intermezzo in A Major Op. 118 No. 2-------------------------Johannes Brahms

**********

Haï Luli -----------------------------------------------------------Pauline Viardot 

Clair de Lune-----------------------------------------------------Gabriel Fauré

Nocturne in Bb Minor, Op. 9 No. 1----------------------------Frederic Chopin

**********

The Little Horses ------------------------------------------------Aaron Copland

Love’s Philosophy-----------------------------------------------Roger Quilter

Sonata No. 8 in C Minor, Opus 13 “Pathetique” (1797)

I. Grave- Allegro molto e con brio-----------------------Ludwig van Beethoven

Concertino--------------------------------------------------------Cecile Chaminade

Thank you all for sharing in this mountaintop of a musical experience.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” ― Aldous Huxley