Copycat

A master teacher once told me, "Every good idea I ever had, I stole." As I begin my own foray into the profession, I have realized how true that statement really is!

I also realize how truly that statement applies to my life journey.

In recent years, I have been gleaning bits of wisdom from those close to me. I have absorbed their strongest traits and taken my highest inspiration from seeing my friends and family live their own unique, individual, beautiful lives.

I constantly find myself saying: "I LOVE that about them! I want to be like that. I should DO that."

"Triumph Tulip: Grand Perfection"

Some examples from recent days:

Like Mary, I want to carry a pack of 100+ markers so that I am always prepared and able to create art and add color to my daily world.

Like Bethany, I want to be beautifully and uniquely put together for all the important events in my life.

Like Oren, I want to have a contagious enthusiasm for life. And, I'd love to be awesome at video games.

Like my Granny, I want to have a stocked freezer-- just in case.

Like Sawyer, I want to have big dreams.

Like Holly, I want to make the big decisions that lead me directly on the path to those big dreams.

Like Emily, I want to appreciate and live in the simple pleasures of life.

Like Isaiah, I want to spend hours listening to and pouring over musical scores, so that I can learn as much as my head can possibly hold while at this school of music.

Like Daniel, I want to be dedicated to my instruments and practice for hours.

Like Allee, I want to take care of my body in every possible way-- particularly by eating perfectly balanced meals.

The list (literally) goes on and on. 

Some things I HAVE indeed taken into my own life. I do have a stocked freezer. I curl my hair way more often because my best friend does so. I established a prayer corner in my room because a friend once did. I am on a constant struggle-bus path to improving my video game skills because of the influence of my second family.

In my eyes, these "wants" are positive! I want to emulate these things because I admire them so much in others.

The whole time, though, I am just painting a picture of the Mandi that I want to see when I look in the mirror.

I am creating the mental portrait of the "perfect" Mandi, who does EVERYTHING and succeeds everywhere in every single possible avenue of life.

Sometimes I forget how special the real Mandi really is!

I forget to realize that to other people around me, I am sometimes the special one. I am sometimes the one with the characteristics that somebody else admires and wants to copy. The real Mandi sometimes has characteristics that nobody else does-- just like all of my friends do in my eyes!

It took me a minute, but I figured out some things that make the real Mandi very special. Thinking about them gave me a warm glow, somewhere deep inside.

As much as I love to dream that I can be like a conglomeration of the best aspects of the best people in my life... I create this drive inside me to be constantly improving. Constantly leveling-up, so that I can become what I admire as quickly as possible.

Really, what I am doing is neglecting the beauty that I have right now.

It's so nice to take a moment and realize all the ways that I am unique, and that I am NOT like someone else.

Loving yourself is a long and complicated journey-- but moments like this are a fantastic step in the right direction!

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."    -Margaret Mead

Springtime

Oh, give us pleasure in the flowers to-day;

And give us not to think so far away

As the uncertain harvest; keep us here

All simply in the springing of the year.

...

Oh, give us pleasure in the orchard white,

Like nothing else by day, like ghosts by night;

And make us happy in the happy bees,

The swarm dilating round the perfect trees.

...

 And make us happy in the darting bird

That suddenly above the bees is heard,

The meteor that thrusts in with needle bill,

And off a blossom in mid air stands still.

...

For this is love and nothing else is love,

The which it is reserved for God above

To sanctify to what far ends He will,

But which it only needs that we fulfil.

text from "A Prayer in Spring" by Robert Frost (1915)

One Word

If I could only sing one word for the rest of my life, what would it be?

"Alleluia."

Just try it. Say it out loud. Sing it high, sing it low! 

Savor the vowels, the flow of the syllables, the upward-feeling release.

I spent at least twenty solid minutes today singing that word (on notes penned by the great J. S. Bach), and had plenty of time to think about its merit while our conductor was busy seeing to the tenors. 

"Alleluia."

Whisper it. It even sounds wonderful as a secret! 

I also happen to adore the meaning of the word. It's an exclamation, a joyous rousing cry that means "God be praised!" 

I love that we say this word on the daily. We hear this word on the ever-present TV, in movies, and on the radio. We use it flippantly and jokingly... but we still use it!

Sitting in rehearsal today, I decided that if I were a composer, I would compose a whole set of songs using just this word.

I am apparently not the only one who has had this idea! Here are a couple of wonderfully beautiful pieces that use this word as their only text:

Eric Whitacre's Alleluia-- (a vocal arrangement of my favorite of his works, "October")

REALLY check this one out:  A fabulous recording of one of my personal favorite choral works!
Baylor Bella Voce - Alleluia (from Songs of Faith) - Paul Basler

Feel free to sing along. I'm sure you'll be able to by the end!

"Alleluia!"

Such a lovely word. 

What is your favorite word to say? 

Reflection on a Recital

Last weekend I crossed a huge item off of my college bucket list: giving a collegiate-level recital!

My degree doesn't require that I give a recital, and most of my colleagues choose not to. I completely understand why-- it's a LOT of work! Yet, I am so unbelievably happy by the outcome of this huge undertaking.

I am proud of myself for taking a challenge in life set by me alone. I am proud that the most difficult and fulfilling work I will have done this year didn't stem from a degree plan or an advisor's deadline. I am so thankful that I will be able to look back on this wonderful experience and know that I did this for my own fulfillment, and not because I sought to achieve a perfect grade. In fact, no one was grading me at all.

For someone obsessively driven by the pull of academic success, it was completely liberating.

I provided a program of music that was intentionally full of variety, and every piece is a personal favorite of mine. In short, after the countless hours spent in the practice room and the lesson studio, I poured my heart and soul into this music.

After a few days of basking in the emotional high of an amazing performance, I paused to reflect on this milestone experience.

A few snippets of thought:

How it felt to look out at the audience before me and realize that they were not judging strangers-- they were faces of my dearest friends and family. My most loving and enthusiastic supporters.

Secretly performing a work in honor of a dear friend and teacher who recently passed away-- sending the sound straight up to her heavenly dwelling.

The electrified silence as the music of the great composers provided precious bits of musical rest, and the audience held their breath.

Surprise at the effort it takes to shift emotions drastically back and forth over the course of a single hour.

Hearing from listeners that my music touched their hearts, brought them to tears, or gave them inspiration-- feeling a strong connection to my purpose in life.

The sheer joy of finally having a voice to sing with after weeks of illness.

How surprising the little never-before-heard mistakes and mishaps that make a live performance truly "alive."

The music of my own two hands bringing tears to my eyes.

It is my sincerest hope that those in attendance (and you, should you choose to watch the video below) felt the music as deeply as I attempted to convey it.

PROGRAM:

Prelude and Fugue XVI in G Minor, BWV 861----------------J. S. Bach

Wie Melodien zieht es mir---------------------------------------Johannes Brahms

Lorelei------------------------------------------------------------Clara Schumann 

Intermezzo in A Major Op. 118 No. 2-------------------------Johannes Brahms

**********

Haï Luli -----------------------------------------------------------Pauline Viardot 

Clair de Lune-----------------------------------------------------Gabriel Fauré

Nocturne in Bb Minor, Op. 9 No. 1----------------------------Frederic Chopin

**********

The Little Horses ------------------------------------------------Aaron Copland

Love’s Philosophy-----------------------------------------------Roger Quilter

Sonata No. 8 in C Minor, Opus 13 “Pathetique” (1797)

I. Grave- Allegro molto e con brio-----------------------Ludwig van Beethoven

Concertino--------------------------------------------------------Cecile Chaminade

Thank you all for sharing in this mountaintop of a musical experience.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” ― Aldous Huxley

Time for a Break

Spring break has come and gone, and with it a score of beautiful moments.

One of my favorite things about life in general is getting to visit my Granny and her land in Bowie, TX. I try to visit several times a year. Being out there makes me feel whole again. As my best friend Bethany once told me, "time just moves slower out there."

Out on Granny's farm, there are no noisy neighbors. There are no buses, cars, and definitely no Harleys.

Instead, there are bird songs, the rush of wind in ancient oak branches, gently rattling leaves, and the faint bell tones of wind chimes.

Out there in the middle of nowhere, I can finally rest-- in the truest way possible. I get my very best sleep out there in that country home. And, it doesn't hurt that my Granny is the best cook on the planet. Oren came with me this trip, and I can assure you: we were VERY well fed.

One of my favorite things about being out at Granny's is getting to wander around her land on foot. I call it hiking... more adventurous souls would consider it walking. The land is a bit flat at times. But I think it's the most beautiful spot of land in the world.

This time, when Oren and I went walking, we took a long way round the oil pads and happened upon a miracle.

Backstory:
Bethany and I used to wander the pastures for hours, all the time. We found a tree that was simply the most beautiful tree on the whole place, and we named her Old Anna. Our plan was to build a tree house in her lower branches... but we sadly never got there. When the oil company moved in and carved out their slabs of gravel, we believed Old Anna to be lost. We never found her again.

Anyway. Oren and I took a back way around the pasture, and happened on a path that hadn't been driven on in quite some time. The truck tracks were faint, and the bushes and trees had encroached a bit on the pathway. Animal tracks abounded.

Yet, I knew this path like the back of my hand. This sandy road came straight from Old Anna! My heart remembered it so strongly.

I broke into a run, speeding up to the place where I knew in my heart she should stand.

And, there she was.

An ancient old oak tree, standing tall and proud in a clearing, away from all other trees. Surrounded by currently-fried monkey grass fronds, standing almost like subjects before their queen.

My excitement was uncontrollable! I of course had Oren take a million pictures of me with Old Anna that I could show to Bethany later that day, and I lived the joy of our discovery all week.

There's just something wonderful about old, huge trees.

Something special happens when you recover an old friend that you believed to be lost.

Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life. - Hermann Hesse 

Dorky Mandi with Old Anna

Life, Lent, and the Pursuit of Holiness

Lent is fast approaching, and yet again I am assaulted with the pressing question: "What are you giving up this year?"

Pause and rewind here. What is Lent, you ask?

 In many Protestant Christian denominations, Lent is celebrated as a 40-day period of fasting between Ash Wednesday and Easter. It's a season that helps us reconnect spiritually in preparation for the celebration of Easter, through giving our time to a cause, going without specific foods in a literal fast, or simply devoting ourselves to a spiritual discipline. If you'd like to know more about Lent as celebrated in various churches, go ahead and google it! There's plenty of interesting information out there.

Lent is a tradition that for me goes far back into my childhood!

My mother and granny always gave up sweets/chocolate, with the exception of birthday cake (of course!). I always remember competing with my best friend Bethany to see who was giving up the "biggest" thing-- she normally always won.

Disclaimer: Lent is a personal discipline that is not meant to be a competition!
Tell that to a seven-year-old...

Young Mandi always chose to give up Dr. Pepper. Older Mandi consistently gave up Facebook each year. First year college student Mandi decided to give up all beef for Lent (which ended VERY badly, as beef is my all-time favorite food. Let's just say, I was turned into a consistently angry monster by Easter).

The Top 100 Things Twitterers gave up for Lent in 2009

This year, I am looking at Lent with new eyes. Recently I have been very into the idea of honoring tradition and ritual in my everyday life as part of pursuing joyful living. I have realized slowly but surely that I long to live a life steeped in things that are sacred.

Especially in a culture where little to nothing is kept holy-- not our forests, our families, our vows, our beliefs, our creativity, our art, our own souls-- my heart yearns for a life of reverence for all things beautiful, living, and holy.

This Lenten season, I have decided to not "give up" anything in particular. Instead, I have made the decision to enhance a sense of holiness in my life. I have a few ideas for what this might mean for me:

• A dedicated and renewed effort to have personal quiet time in the morning for meditation, journaling, reflection, study, and prayer. (This requires actually getting out of bed instead of hitting the snooze...)

• Creating more of a respectful and ritual-based relationship with the physical symbols of holiness in my life. For me, this might mean ritually washing my hands before opening my Bible, creating a special altar or resting place for the scriptures, or designating a prayer corner.

• A new dedication to living life with intention, being present and engaged in each moment.

Lent is a wonderful time for me to realize what my soul needs spiritually; recognizing that need and fulfilling it through dedicated choices is part of my journey toward being the keeper of my own flame.

I hope all of you have a fulfilling and meaningful Lenten season, whether you chose to celebrate it or not!

“To the poet, to the philosopher, to the saint, all things are friendly and sacred, all events profitable, all days holy, all men divine.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

21... But considering 12

Happy Birthday to me!!

Birthday celebrations have finally all wrapped up, and I am officially legal!

I have celebrated with my closest friends at a beautiful restaurant, with a classy martini at a fancy restaurant with my love, with a margarita on the San Antonio Riverwalk, and with another margarita at our favorite Mexican food restaurant in the entire world with my closest family. All of these events on separate days, of course!

I have had a fabulous time celebrating this big milestone, and I am so thankful for all the loving smiles and wishes I received.

In the back of my head, though, was a distinct longing for earlier times. I felt a pretty healthy dose of nostalgia for so many things from my childhood, and this post is a direct result.

This is a list of things that were AWESOME about our childhood, and that I personally wish had grown up with us. Things that I wish still existed for us in grown-up form.

Sympathize and commiserate with me as I mourn the loss of the good ole' days.

As I turn 21, consider the most awesome things about being 12! 

• Scholastic Book Fairs

Yes, I have always been a reader. I am a lifetime lover of books and literature of all types. 

However, as much as I loved school back then, there was no school day I looked forward to more than the Scholastic Book Fair day... or even the day we were due to receive the catalog! We CANNOT forget
about those catalogs. Those flimsy newspaper-style golden gems were packed with treasure. 

I recently saw a book fair set up in my church's preschool, and was immediately taken back to the excitement of the entire affair. How fantastic it is to order and receive books in your hands every couple of months! There is no greater joy!

I told Oren that I wish we still had Scholastic Book Fairs, and he lovingly replied: "We still do, Mandi. It's called Barnes and Noble..." Needless to say, I did not share his sentiment.

• American Girl Magazine

What a beautiful publication for young girls everywhere! The other day, I sat in my friend Allee's living room and perused the American Girl issue that had come that morning for her 11-yr-old sister. That magazine just makes people happy! Plain and simple, we were reading such QUALITY material.

Questioning my judgement? Think about it. Where else can young girls read about life skills, emotional growth, artistic creativity, and physical and mental health, in a format so colorful and engaging that they just eat it up? Besides, this is also an important venue for young girls to create and submit their own ideas, artwork, stories, and crafts. 

Today, I long for a grown-up girl version of American Girl. I'm sorry, but Cosmo and Seventeen just don't cut it for me. Where is OUR wholesome and creatively addictive monthly publication??

• Massive sleepovers

Those were the days.... or rather, the nights! When 15 of your closest friends got together for a night of caffeine, sugar, Disney movies, laughter, and the occasional fighting and crying spell. 

Remember the HUGE games of sardines, hide-and-go-seek, and neighborhood-wide scavenger hunts in the dark? Remember those wonderful mothers that provided a smorgasbord of delicious snacks to fuel late-night cravings during intense games of truth-or-dare? 

[Side note: if you'd like to know about the most commonly-asked-for dare that I completed time and time again... that's a story for another time!] 

The best thing about these events was their very frequent occurrence. Each of your friends of COURSE has a birthday, and you could assume there would be yet another sleepover with yet again the same group! This meant that being 12, you basically experienced one very long sleepover that lasted through the entire school year. SCORE.

• Trips to theme parks

When you're not spending your weekend at somebody's sleepover, you can bet you'll be attending a party at a local theme park! 

A myriad of reasons abound for hitting up the local Six Flags or water park: church trip, band trip, choir trip, GT trip, grade-wide field trip.... the list goes on and on. As us kids grew old enough (read: tall enough) to participate in such revelry, teachers and mentors alike dumped us all off for a day of low-maintenance fun. 

The best part for us: rollercoasters were still new, exciting novelties. We were still entranced by the dare to lift our hands off of the restraint bar. We hadn't yet discovered that theme parks were usually hot (in Texas), dirty, crowded, and dreadfully expensive. 

Theme parks were our heaven!

• Kids' Menu

Does this really require explanation? Most things (including the kids' menu) state that annoying maxim "age 12 and under." If you're still 12, you can still order small, cheap dinners. And, better yet, you can still color with crayons on the puzzles side of the kids' menu.

You can't tell me you didn't still ask for a kids' menu (even after you were too old) just so you could color. Yeah, I know. I did it too. Wasn't it great when we weren't yet impostors? 

Where is the entertaining puzzle sheet for 21 year old girls? And where are the accompanying purple crayons??

• Imagination

Most of all, I mourn the loss of my imagination. 

At age 12, we still occasionally played with stuffed animals and our old dolls. We still imagined epic battles with our figurines and we still remembered our sensational adventures of the past. Our old toys were just becoming "old," but hadn't yet lost their dire importance. We still clung fiercely to our childhood. We hadn't yet decided that we had "grown up."

I love observing my choir kids playing freely before rehearsal, because I love how readily they create ideas out of nowhere. I love watching them assign roles to each other-- they can create a new world in under three minutes. 

Don't you wish you were still there? Still able to occupy yourself for hours with only a friend and a couple stuffed animals for entertainment? I know I do. Those were the days.

So, I am now a legal adult. I am now able to order alcohol, vote, buy a lottery ticket, etc. etc. etc. Yet, I hold tightly to my memories of my childhood, and the fantastic life we all led back then. 

Take a moment with me and remember just a couple things that bring you joy from your time as a child. Take a moment with me, and smile!

“Everything is ceremony in the wild garden of childhood.” ― Pablo Neruda